Rate My Hogwarts Professors com
by TheSerpentAndTheLion
Summary: What if the students of Hogwarts had access to the muggle website RateMyProfessors.com? Why, this fic, of course! (COMPLETE)
1. Preface

_Why:_

_I was on the internet the other day, trying to decide which professors I should take this semester. My first stop was, of course, As Harry Potter and his world are never too far from my mind the thought struck me... what if the students of Hogwarts had access to the Muggle web site? What would they have to say about their Professors? So I immediately set about creating this fic._

_The boring bit where I explain some (necessary) junk:_

_For those of you who are unfamiliar with Rate My Professors (or Rate My Teachers) the sight allows students to anonymously rate their teachers and profs so that other students know whether or not they should take a class with him/her. Ratings are given for easiness, helpfulness, and clarity. There is also a count kept of students who think said teacher is "hot." The scale is from 1 to 5, with 1 being abysmal and 5 being fantastic-o._

_Other things that didn't go anywhere else:_

_I've organised it so that each chapter is a different professor. If I get any positive response on this thing, I'll add more profs and/or more responses to the existing entries, depending on what you guys want._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, but do appreciate I also don;t own Harry Potter or related characters- I just enjoy putting on my boots and hopping in the great Harry Potter puddle of life._

_I've rambled enough.... read on brave soul!_


	2. Snape, Severus

Snape, Severus

* * *

Date: 5/3/94

Class: Potions- 4th year

Easiness: 1

Clarity: 2

Helpfulness: 1

Comments: Greasy git. Favors Slytherins. You can't avoid the class, but if you make sure never to help anyone, or talk to anyone, or look at anyone, or do anything wrong, you might pass.

* * *

Date: 3/9/94

Class: Potions- 1st year

Easiness: 1

Helpfulness: 1

Clarity: 3

Comments: Know all the answers, but don't be a know-it-all. If you take notes, he'll call you out for not paying attention.

* * *

Date: 6/25/96

Class: Potions- NEWT

Easiness: 5

Helpfulness: 5

Clarity: 5

Comments: Best Prof at Hogwarts. Fair and brilliant. Doesn't let you get away with stuff just because you're a famous twit with a stupid scar.

* * *

Date: 2/15/96

Class: Potions- 3rd year

Easiness: 1

Helpfulness: 1

Clarity: 1

Comments: Never ask him for a love potion unless you want to scrape centuries- old encrusted gunk from the dungeon floors until you die of old age.

* * *

Date: 11/16/96

Class: Potions- 2nd year

Easiness: 1

Helpfulness: 1

Clarity: 1

Comments: Slimeball. His glares could melt the polar ice caps. Never make a mistake, or smile, or breathe too loudly to avoid being force-fed poison.

* * *

Date: 2/23/96

Class: Occlumency

Easiness: 1

Helpfulness: 1

Clarity: 1

Comments: Wish he would take a potion that makes him disappear. The most horrible vindictive, snarky man ever to walk the Earth. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!!!

* * *

# of ratings: 178

Average Easiness: 1.7

Average Helpfulness: 1.7

Average Clarity: 3.25

Hotness Total: 4

Overall quality: 2.14


	3. McGonagall, Minerva

McGonagall, Minerva

* * *

Date: 10/18/91

Class: Transfiguration-3rd year

Easiness: 2

Helpfulness: 4

Clarity: 5

Comments: Screwing around is not an option. Listen well, and apply yourself fully. If you slack, she will turn into a cat and eat you alive.

* * *

Date: 2/4/93

Class: Transfiguration- 5th year

Easiness: 1

Helpfulness: 5

Clarity: 4

Comments: Gets your sympathies by looking like an innocent old lady. Don't be fooled- strictest teacher at Hogwarts next to Snape.

* * *

Date: 3/9/94

Class: Transfiguration- 4th year

Easiness: 3

Helpfulness:5

Clarity: 5

Comments: Always willing to help. Knows her subject. Takes no crap.

* * *

Date: 11/4/95

Class: Transfiguration- 5th year

Easiness: 2

Helpfulness: 2

Clarity: 2

Comments: Has a MAJOR stick up her arse. Pretends to be fair, but favours Gryffindor.. Would probably marry the Golden Boy if she weren't six centuries old.

* * *

Date: 4/12/96

Class: Transfiguration- NEWT

Easiness: 5

Helpfulness: 5

Clarity: 5

Comments: Her NEWTS are the best. McGonagall cuts back and lets her hair down. OK, not really, but she teaches some awesome spells!

* * *

Date: 4/21/96

Class: Transfiguration-tutoring

Easiness: 5

Helpfulness: 5

Clarity: 5

Comments: I love McGonagall! Giving up her spare time to teach me to be an animagus. Coolest old lady ever!

* * *

# of ratings: 156

Average Easiness: 3

Average Helpfulness: 4.3

Average Clarity: 4.3

Hotness Total: 0

Overall quality: 4.1


	4. Moody, Alastor MadEye

Moody, Alastor "Mad-Eye"

* * *

Date: 3/26/95

Class: DADA- 2nd year

Easiness: 3

Helpfulness: 4

Clarity: 2

Comments: Nuts. Most paranoid man that ever lived. Never let your guard down. Can be scary- just smile and nod.

* * *

Date: 10/7/94

Class: DADA- 5th year

Easiness: 2

Helpfulness: 3

Clarity: 3

Comments: Looks like burnt toast. Doesn't go by the book. Will perform unforgivables on students.

* * *

Date: 11/12/94

Class: DADA- 1st year

Easiness: 3

Helpfulness: 2

Clarity: 2

Comments: Scariest man who ever lived. Would swear that his loony eye can see right into my soul. You'll be fine as long as you can recite the words CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

* * *

Date: 4/16/95

Class: DADA- 4th year

Easiness: 4

Helpfulness: 4

Clarity: 3

Comments: Coolest teacher at Hogwarts. Turns prat students into amazing bouncing ferrets. Only man alive that can intimidate Snape.

* * *

# of ratings: 43

Average Easiness: 3

Average Helpfulness: 3.25

Average Clarity: 2.5

Hotness Total: 0

Overall quality: 3.1


	5. Lockhart, Gilderoy

1Lockhart, Gilderoy

Date:9/1/92

Class: DADA- 4th year

Easiness: 5

Helpfulness: 5

Clarity: 5

Comments: Best teacher in the history of Hogwarts. Also most attractive. Signs all the autographs you want, is always smiling... and WHAT a smile...

Date: 11/6/92

Class: DADA- 2nd year

Easiness: 5

Helpfulness: 1

Clarity: 1

Comments: Most pointless man that ever lived. Might as well be a squib. Makes far too much money with his books, has no actual magical ability.

Date: 3/12/93

Class: DADA- NEWT

Easiness: 1

Helpfulness:1

Clarity: 1

Comments: Learned nothing. Will probably fail NEWTS, never get a proper job and die of starvation in a gutter somewhere. Never let your girlfriends near him lads- they'll forget all about you. What does he have that I don't????????

Date: Yes Please

Class: DADA- NEWT

Easiness: 5

Helpfulness: 3

Clarity: 3

Comments: Don't really learn much, but my fav. class anyway. Most gorgeous wizard that ever walked the earth. You get an excuse to buy all of his books, and they have some really great pictures of him! He's always willing to stay after class and tell you all about his adventures. I 3 GILDEROY.

# of ratings: 69

Average Easiness: 4

Average Helpfulness: 2.5

Average Clarity: 2.5

Hotness Total: 41

Overall quality: 3.9


	6. Trelawney, Sybil

Trelawney, Sybil

* * *

Date: 4/10/93

Class: Divination- 3th year

Easiness: 4

Helpfulness: 1

Clarity: 1

Comments: This class is total rubbish. The woman couldn't predict her way out of a paper bag. Just make up a bunch of junk about dying and you'll be fine, if you don't actually die of boredom.

* * *

Date: 9/16/94

Class: Divination- 4th year

Easiness: 5

Helpfulness: 2

Clarity: 1

Comments: Avoid being her yearly death prediction at all costs unless you want to her to prattle on endlessly about how your going to die painfully seven thousand separate but equally horrible ways.

* * *

Date: 2/29/96

Class: Divination- 5th year

Easiness: 5

Helpfulness: 5

Clarity: 5

Comments: Professor Trelawney is the best teacher at Hogwarts. Anyone who gives her less than a 5 in anything is just jealous because they might as well be blind for all they can see through their inner eye.

* * *

Date: 2/29/96

Class: Divination- 5th year

Easiness: 5

Helpfulness: 5

Clarity: 5

Comments: Don't even pretend that you didn't write that first comment Ron Weasley. You only think it's rubbish because your rubbish at everything.

* * *

# of ratings: 68

Average Easiness: 4.75

Average Helpfulness: 3.25

Average Clarity: 3

Hotness Total: 2

Overall quality: 3.4


	7. Dumbledore, Albus

Dumbledore, Albus

* * *

Date: 10/30/92

Class: 4th year

Easiness: ––

Helpfulness: 5

Clarity: 1

Comments: I don't know what the man is thinking, but I love him. Might as well be Merlyn

himself.

* * *

Date: 2/4/95

Class: 4th year

Easiness: ––

Helpfulness: 1

Clarity: 1

Comments: Old fool. The worst thing to ever happen to Hogwarts. He's a muggle loving lunatic. we'd all be much better off if the wizarding world was rid of him entirely.

* * *

Date: 3/9/96

Class: 3rd year

Easiness: ––

Helpfulness: 5

Clarity: 1

Comments: Glad he's my headmaster, but the only way I can accurately describe him is "huh?!?!?!"

* * *

Date: 4/23/93

Class: 7th year

Easiness: ––

Helpfulness: 5

Clarity: 1

Comments: The man has seen it all. Not really sure how, but he knows everybody in the whole school. Every wizard alive seems to own him a favour. Kinda weird, but tells the best pointless stories ever.

* * *

Date: 3/31/93

Class: 6th year

Easiness: ––

Helpfulness: 5

Clarity: 1

Comment: No words can explain him. He's a nut. A great nut, but a nut.

* * *

# of ratings: 216

Average Easiness: --

Average Helpfulness: 4.2

Average Clarity: 1

Hotness Total: 74 " ...I am flattered." (A/N: _I assume that if the students can find it, Dumbledore knows it's here_.)

Overall quality: 4.8


End file.
